The Core Foundation of Relationships & Attachment Theory

This overview aims to provide insight into the discovery and application of attachment theory and its significance in understanding our attachment styles. Our relationships—as individuals, partners, and parents—are complex and constantly evolving. The way we engage in these relationships is influenced by the foundational blueprint established early in our lives. By exploring the reasons behind our patterns, beliefs, behaviors, triggers, and emotional responses, we can empower ourselves to make meaningful changes that foster the love and safety we all seek. While healthy relationships do not demand perfection, they do require self-reflection and growth.

Attachment Theory was developed by a collaborative group of professionals beginning in the 1940s, leading the theory was Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, who are often referred to as the "Mother and Father of Attachment Theory." They made significant contributions to our understanding of social development and the process of learning to love.

The core idea of Attachment Theory is that emotional connections (attachments) we make at the very start of our lives will shape the future of our relationships. Beginning at birth, our primary attachment has begun to form, and the theory is, attachment is not a choice; it is an automatic response that is essential for survival. Bowlby and Ainsworth highlighted the importance of early experiences and the development of relationships through attachment.

According to Attachment Theory, children are born with an innate need to form attachments to others for survival. Babies seek and need to establish connections with a human caregiver to meet their survival needs. The nature of this attachment is characterized by love and care, with comfort and security defining the attachment figure. Attachment is fundamentally an emotional experience. The primary attachment and the experiences associated with it will shape how we navigate deep emotions and challenges throughout life, such as happiness, love, sadness, and grief. Adult behaviors and relationships are significantly influenced by attachment experiences preprogrammed during the first three years of life. Bowlby’s theory posits that the consistency and responsiveness of the primary attachment figure pre-determines the level of care and security we then take into our future relationships.  

Since babies do not have language in their first year of life, they are highly attuned to touch and face-to-face contact, which contributes to their sense of safety and security. The way a baby is cared for influences how they learn to give care and love. The quality of love and attention a baby receives will shape their understanding of what love and care should be. Without a nurturing environment, a child may begin to feel unworthy, leading to the development of specific attachment styles, such as Dismissive-Avoidant, Fearful-Avoidant, and Anxious-Preoccupied. These attachment styles can persist into adolescence and adulthood, directing our self-worth or lack thereof in relationships. 

By understanding the principles of attachment, we can identify relationship dynamics and update outdated patterns of behavior, and embrace true security and safety. Many insecure attachment styles are characterized by dismissive or anxious behaviors that may stem from early life experiences. By understanding the roots of these issues and identifying one's attachment style, it becomes possible to heal core wounds imprinted by generational programming. Discovering and transforming your attachment style is key to breaking the bounds of outdated patterns rooted in the subconscious mind and allowing for limiting brief systems to be replaced with realistic, healthier, secure attachment methods and strategies.